Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning I am going in the dr's office (lab) to get my urine test done for the official confirmation. Then I meet with the PA and get my referral processed for my OBGYN. Once the referral is processed I will make an appointment with them. I talked to my husband about going back to the same OBGYN and we both agreed that we would. He's an amazing doctor and I absolutely love him. He delivered both Asa and Lexi and was there when Johnny was born. He shared in our joy when we had Asa and Lexi and cried with us when we lost Johnny. The only reason I questioned it was because I wasn't sure if I could go back into his office again, what they would think (being so soon after we lost Johnny) and all the memories associated with the day we discovered Johnny's heart was no longer beating.

My husband is determined to be positive about this pregnancy and that is helping me more that I would usually like to admit. He wants to start moving the bedrooms around and get the nursery ready for this one. I told him know, but he made a good point. We didn't do that for Johnny. We were always going to get around to it, but we never did. I believe in my heart that Johnny knew he was wanted, but my husband wants to follow through with the steps like every expecting parent would. He wants to start preparing and really show this baby how much it's wanted and anticipated. Maybe then I won't lose it? I don't know. I'm trying to stay hopeful, but I'm still scared. Who would blame me?